No One Is Messaging Me! What Should I Do?
Have the basic rules of attraction changed for online dating? Not by much. It's still your responsibility to do the approaching, so be a man. You will be ignored, rejected, and burnt up, and usually there won't be a sound from any of it. You will be rejected not with a bang, but a whisper. Rather than lamenting this, take comfort in it. It's a lot easier to swallow than being rejected in person. Invest thought into your messages, but not emotion. Responses will be much more common than received messages, even if you've got a pretty good profile. Received messages will come in due time, but it often takes a while. You can't expect five messages in the first week just because you set up a profile and uploaded a few pictures. Usually they come quicker if you put up a new picture occasionally to arouse some interest from longtime members. If you're still having no luck, eyeball your profile and tweak it until it squeals.
In the meantime, you send out messages. Traditionally it is the man's job to approach the women, so the vast majority of women will expect alpha males to be actively pursuing them, and the lower status men to just sit around waiting for something to happen.
Man up and start contacting some women.
A good message will be roughly one short paragraph in length. Unless you're making a great joke or an interesting reference to something in her profile, anything shorter than that will come off as lazy. One of the biggest complaints women have with online dating sites are the short, boring messages they receive. Also keep in mind that a longer message can make you come off as desperate or appear as though you're trying too hard, so something right in the middle is your best options. Short and sweet, but long enough to be classified as a paragraph.
A message should do three things:
- Show appreciation for her profile and personality
- Express common interest and/or similarities
- Demonstrate that you are a high value man
- Show interest, or at least that you are curious
While showing appreciation, be careful not to place her too high on any pedestal or to hit her with an array of compliments. Also, when you do compliment, you should rarely compliment anyone on their appearances. I would advise against it at all for the first message in most cases. She knows that you're attracted, otherwise you wouldn't be writing. Besides, every AFC that has already contacted her has probably commented on her appearance. It's the last thing that she wants to hear. You should make comments about things in her profile, which will not only be much more unique since other guys don't do it, but also provoke a response from her.
When expressing common interests and similarities, you must demonstrate it, not “tell” it. What I mean by this, is that you should not say "Hey, I dig your taste in music. I'm also really into Incubus, The Killers, and Flogging Molly." That will seem fake and also as if you're trying to qualify yourself for her. Instead, say something like "Did you see Flogging Molly at the Florida Music Festival? They were here not too long back, they know how to put on a show. Up until the moment they were on stage, they were drinking with me and all their other fans. Good stuff!" Don't sound too excited; coming across with an attitude of "OMG WE LIKE THE SAME STUFF MEBE WE B SOLEMATEZ!1!!1?!!" will definitely scare her off.
When it comes to demonstrating that you are of high value, you can show value in many different ways. There is no one way to be a wonderful person. Quality is a way of life. You don't have to talk about the time you killed a lion with your bare hands. Simply write well, try your best to avoid typos, grammar errors, and use proper punctuation. An intelligent message with an intelligent profile will attract intelligent women. On top of that, be funny, be a smart ass, be interesting, and be experienced. You're a wonderful, well spoken, well deserving man. Show it, don't tell it.
Cement everything else with interest and perhaps some qualifying questions. Has she ever been to any of your favorite places? What are her favorite places? You both like Italian food, but you haven't found any good restaurants. Has she? Maybe you have some questions about the philosophy she was jabbering about. Ask.
Oh, and whenever you mention sex you're walking on eggshells. Mentioning it in the context of an over the top joke has proven safe.
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