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***Dating QUESTION From A Reader***
{NOTE: This is a short question, and it refers
to another message I sent out in the past. If
you don't immediately get it, just read my answer
and all will become clear.}
"The Guy in the bar Story...
Why should he have left the bar as soon as he got
the waitress' phone number?
This is "Ultra Extra Important" you said. I think
I know why he should have left, he was probably
staring at her all night and she was turned off by
it, but give me your complete insight on why he
should have left immediately after getting her
e-mail.
Thanks, R."
As I said in the message you quoted above,
this concept is VERY important.
Understanding why you need to leave at this
point is part of understanding the dynamic called
ATTRACTION.
So before I get into the specifics, let's talk
about the underlying process that creates
ATTRACTION...
1) ATTRACTION isn't a choice. It's an emotional
reaction.
ATTRACTION is nature's way of taking over our
minds and bodies long enough to make sure that we
mate with someone with the best possible genes.
I realize that this sounds pretty "clinical"
and lame, but it's the damn truth.
Attraction isn't concerned with you, her, or
love. It's evolved over a loooong period of time,
and it has a purpose that is very important.
2) ATTRACTION isn't logical, in the sense that it
isn't created by things that "should" create it.
Buying women dinner and gifts, giving lots of
compliments when you first meet a woman, and
kissing up to women to get their approval are
examples of "logical" things that SHOULD create
attraction... but don't.
When you understand how attraction works, you
begin to see that it has a "logic" all its own.
3) Women aren't attracted to guys who act like
needy Wuss-Bags. When guys give lots of
compliments, seek approval, act clingy, or try to
go out of their way to be overly "nice", it
usually backfires.
Women run from Wussy men (either that or they
go shoe shopping with them... and the guy usually
pays).
4) Unfortunately, many guys are mentally
programmed to a sort of "Default Wussy" mode of
behavior when they encounter a woman who they're
attracted to.
When you combine this Default Wuss mode with
nervous body language, you create an almost-
impossible barrier between you and ever creating
ATTRACTION.
5) Just like a painting or a song, too much can
ruin an interaction with a woman.
You must know when to leave, hang up, or end
the interaction.
Leaving at the right moment creates tension,
anticipation and mystery.
YOU EITHER INCREASE OR DECREASE ATTRACTION -
IT'S ALWAYS EITHER GOING UP OR DOWN...
Of course, there are more ingredients to
ATTRACTION, but these will set the stage for where
I'm going with this...
In every situation, you can do something to
INCREASE the ATTRACTION... and you can do
something to DECREASE it. In other words, there's
always a way to dial up this magical emotion.
And yes, you can increase the ATTRACTION even
when you've just met. In fact, this is often the
best time to do it.
Let me ask you a question...
What would most guys do in the situation with
the waitress (or maybe a bartender)?
Imagine it.
You're in a bar, you're chatting with the cute
gal serving drinks or behind the bar. You're being
Cocky and Funny, busting on her, etc. and she's
enjoying your company. You say "Hey, do you have
email?" and she writes it down for you...
WHAT DO YOU DO?
You could...
a) Sit there and keep talking.
b) Stay and talk to her a few more times.
c) Wait around hoping that you can go home
with her.
d) Leave.
So let's do a little critical thinking about
this situation before I comment (or maybe this
will be the comment, we'll see).
If you:
(a) sit there and keep talking, what's likely to
happen?
In my experience, unless you're the ultimate
Mac Daddy of all time, the only place to go is
DOWN.
Think about it... you got her info. You did it.
She's working. She's only going to get busy, which
will probably make the conversation more
difficult.
And then there's the risk of saying or doing
something stupid, getting too drunk to make sense,
or just having the interaction go cold.
All in all, you have very little chance of
anything good happening, and a great chance of
having something not-so-good happening.
Doesn't sound like a very good idea to me.
If you:
(b) stay there in the bar (maybe join friends who
show up), and talk to her a few more times while
ordering drinks, etc. what is likely to happen?
Again, we're dealing with a situation that
almost can't get any BETTER. Remember, she already
gave you the info. Now she might start thinking
"Oh, this is just another loser who hangs out all
night and gets drunk with his buddies... like the
other 47 guys who hit on me."
Or you might say something dumb... or you might
tip her too much or too little and make a strange
impression... or any of a lot of things.
All downside risk, no upside rewards.
If you:
(c) wait around hoping that you can go home with
her, I think you're REALLY taking your chances in
the situation.
Again, unless you're the ultimate pick-up
artist of all time, you're not likely to be taking
home the bartender by sitting in front of her and
drinking all night... for the same reasons listed
above.
But what if:
(d) YOU LEFT IMMEDIATELY after getting her info?
What effect does DISAPPEARING have on an
interaction like this one?
Well, let me ask you: What effect does
disappearing have IN GENERAL on people?
It creates curiosity, mystery, etc. It makes
the other person think "I wonder where he/she had
to go so fast?"
You can also combine this with having something
very INTERESTING to do. For instance, you might
say:
"Nice talking to you... I'm going to go meet up
with some friends to have some SERIOUS fun."
This technique of leaving the moment I've
gotten a woman's information has worked WONDERS
for me... and for many guys I know.
The long and the short of it is that if you
stick around after you get the info, you create no
tension, no mystery, and no curiosity.
On the other hand, if you LEAVE IMMEDIATELY,
and have something interesting (even if you don't
say what it is) to go do, then you're seen as
busy... the kind of guy who has a life... someone
who is in demand.
Leaving turns up the ATTRACTION. It creates
curiosity.
Women are used to guys hanging on, clinging,
and generally NOT having other things to do.
It's something that will INSTANTLY separate you
from other guys, and something that will
demonstrate all the right qualities with a single
move.
Remember, you can do things to INCREASE or
DECREASE the ATTRACTION in any given situation. I
recommend that you start thinking of how to
increase it as much as you possibly can, because
if a woman feels ATTRACTION, then almost nothing
else matters.
Let's shift gears.
When it comes to CREATING ATTRACTION, you can
take it to the next level... and the next... all
the way to the point of "getting physical" with a
woman...
...I've gone from not being able to even TALK
to a woman I don't know... to being able to
approach any woman in any situation and have a
VERY HIGH chance of getting a date with her... and
of course more, if I want.
If you're reading this right now, and saying to
yourself "I would really like to know how he does
that", then I'd like to share the secrets with
you.
And I'd like to do it at absolutely ZERO RISK
to you.
...if you would like to learn the basics of
how to be successful with women and dating, you
need to go download a copy of my online eBook
"Double Your Dating." It and the three bonus
booklets that come along with it are a killer
introduction to my concepts and techniques. You
can download it and be reading it within a few
minutes. It's here:
Click HERE to get it now!
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
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