You've got questions, The Player's got answers. Read through some of the personal advice that I have given to men on how to attract women and develop strong social relationships. It may just help you as well.
You Can't Change Their Ways
from Stoney
Dear The Player,
Alright.. well to start I'm not really a beginner, more like sophomore, haha. I'm not stupid about girls and I pretty much know the basics. Well lately I've been seeing this girl. I met her about 4 months ago but only now have we been chilling a lot. I usually go over to her apartment and we just hang out. we're both college students and we went to the same high school but didn't really talk until now.
I need to know if she's digging me or not.. she gives me signs that she is, but at the same time she's not... very hard to explain. many times has she taken me to fast food places and she pays for me (she doesn't seem to me like she would pay for just ANYONE)... and on my birthday she had to go back to Houston ( 1h 15min highway drive one way) came back up here just to celebrate my birthday, and had to leave the same night because she had work in the morning. I'm just confused.
There's a twist though, she has a boyfriend. They have been dating for 2 years. I've met him only a few times, and I've been cool to him and he was kinda cool to me, few times it feels like a fake cool but sometimes he's cool for real... but never is he as cool with me as he is to my friends. So basically im on the bottom of his "cool" list.
Dude, I just wanna break them up. She does small things like ignore his phone calls when I'm there, but not ALL the time. I'd say 3/5 of the time she will ignore it. She's not suppose to drink without him there but she does. I don't know.... HELP!
Sup Stoney,
From the information you've provided I can tell you a few things, you
may not know this stuff already or maybe you do...
Her boyfriend is the controlling/jerk/asshole type that likes to boss her
around and set up rules for her, otherwise she wouldn't be not "allowed"
to drink without him around. He is also insecure (even though she may
not be able to see it) because if he wasn't he wouldn't care if she was
drinking or not, he would know that she would never cheat on him or
anything if he knew he was the best she could get.
She is the type of girl that is ONLY attracted to the kind of guy that I just
described. I can tell this because she had stayed with him for two years,
and I know for a fact that girls that are not attracted to controlling type
men always dump them as soon as they figure out that they are like that.
I also know that girls like this never go for "nice guys" after they get
started down the road of having that type of boyfriends... they always
hop from jerk to jerk.
This is the raw, uncut, brutal honest truth... it sucks but that's just the way
it is. Don't get me wrong and think that I am assuming that you are a "nice
guy", but given the fact that you haven't made a move on her yet gives me
the impression that you can't be put into the "jerk" category either. Which
means that you don't fit the type of guy she is attracted to... because that
type of guy would have expressed an immediate sexual attraction towards
her the first time he met her, and possibly said something like "Forget
your man, I'm better" or "It's cool if you've got a man, I'll settle for being
your man on the side".
Now that you know all that you've got to make a decision ; either forget
about her and move on to the next girl... or go out on a limb, try to
become the type of guy that she is attracted to and hope for the best. It is
very easy to change your personality in order to act like a jerk to attract
NEW women... but changing the way you act dramatically when the girl
already knows you is much harder... probably impossible, because I can
never recall anyone successfully doing that. You are welcome to try it
though, and I encourage that you do because I'd personally like to know
that it is possible... but real life is never like the movies, and the hot girl
with the asshole boyfriend never, ever leaves the boyfriend to get with
the nice guy that has been her friend and shoulder to cry on in order to
make the perfect happy ending.
The choice is yours, if you want to try to break them up and steal her
away for yourself... go ahead. Personally I would choose the safer and
more rewarding route of moving on and changing the way that I deal
with new women in order to never land myself in the "friends zone" again.
I hate being the bearer of bad news, but it was either that or be the
bearer of bad advice... and the last thing I would ever do is steer you in
the wrong direction or lie to you and get your hopes up and make you
think that everything will probably work out as you've planned.
Whatever you choose, I wish you good luck and all the best in your
current and future dealings with women.
Your friend,
The Player
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